All posts tagged: personal

Time in a Bottle…

It’s hard to pick up writing again. For me, journaling is not an old friend who  (though years may have passed) you can sit and sip coffee with like no time has turned at all. No, writing remembers…. So, I apologize if this is the other side of eloquent. I have been working pretty non-stop for about a year, with but a few breaks in between, and though I am grateful, I can’t help but feel worn. This January we moved to Houston and have just gotten the chance to settle in to our little apartment with our equally little family. I am savoring all of these moments. These moments of early morning coffee, of the light casting an effervescent glow on the hardwood floors, of the smell of mint and rosemary perfuming the kitchen, of dinners eaten around the coffee table (because we haven’t gotten around to finding one for the kitchen just yet), of midday walks, and of late night conversations talking about everything, saying nothing. These moments of just living. And breathing. …

A Walk Towards the Light

Oh, I have so many things to tell you… Dreams are slowly coming into realization this 2016.   I had become so encumbered by negativity, it was hard to keep my head up or my eyes dry. I’ve been dealing with some “personal issues” since about 2009, and, unfortunately, there does not look to be much light at the end of that tunnel. I won’t talk much about this because there has been so much light elsewhere. 2016 has already given me so much opportunity and has opened her arms to me in kindred creativity. I have been working at a tea place here in Austin, with an absolutely amazing crew of co-workers (a rarity for the restaurant industry…at least from my experience) but yesterday was my last day. Now I am  making way for more exciting endeavors this spring. First off, I will be back out in  the Lower Pecos Canyon Lands later this month working as an archaeology intern and I just can’t wait to get back out there. I will also be taking …

Enchanted Rock

  It’s been difficult to find time to breath lately, so I haven’t had much of an opportunity to write very much at all. It’s been busy to say the least trying to find balance between work, school, etc.. and now Wojciech & I have finally opened our small business (more on this later… yay). I thought I’d be able to handle such a heavy work load, but I’m proving to be less intrepid than I had thought. I’ve been waking up before the sun just to get a full day’s work in (prep, work-work, housework…boring topic, I know.) Though I recognize that I’m lucky to be where I am in life, especially comparatively to others, it’s not without a struggle. But I digress. Spring has really sneaked (snuk?) up on us. The skies are swollen with storm clouds and the rain has helped all sorts of wildflowers pop their heads up along the highways and grassy billows. Mother Nature has certainly had her hands full brightly painting springtime here in Texas. Wojciech & I …

A Vague Transgression

Our last night The split in the blinds cast slitted shadows on your skin The moon leaks a pale blue into the Filtered air and kicks up into our lungs  Cat in the sink sleeps away this August heat It’s four a.m  Phone sounds the waking bell You kick the sheets that tie around your knees and go to brush your teeth I pinch the creases of my eyes to keep from crying  Tears seep inevitably between my fingers  Walk downstairs  Wait for the coffee to steep  ….wait a little longer than it usually takes, Trying to grasp the precious moments you’re  Still with me, wishing maybe You’d stay for breakfast Or an extra day, or week But you don’t falter on those plans you made We walk in somber silence into the humid morning, Dragging our feet across the pavement to your car Grab the handle, kiss and wave goodbye Your lights fade across the blacktop lot I march back with folded arms into our empty flat Crawl up the stairs, flick off the lights …

The Reasons Why I’m Leaving

Because I tried to wear another’s ring But it burned me Because I show her your picture everyday Because we picked out funeral plots And joked like the jokeWasn’t ours Because the smile on my face is feigned Because Annie’s too young to understand That she has your eyes Because the closet smells like tobacco and patchouli When I open the doors Because I hear you in my head laughing when I think of something funny Because I always seem to forget where I’m driving to Because she folds clothes onto Her paper dolls and walks them into the fire Because sadness is selfish And new shoes are expensive Because I spend my days in listless Envy for the end that came to you, but not to me. Because I’m nothing but a half-human, half-venlafaxine Drone standing on legs I had forgotten I had Keeping your grave decorated because It feels like home Because my fidelity wasn’t forced And now I can’t be free Because I spent 25 years Killing time, And now it’s killing …

Life, Death, & Hospital Dinners

There’s that smell                                  That pale green laughter That chokes your throat Translucent yellow walls Glowing under florescent lights That will cut you out of Tourniquets and into heaven. The woman with the chipped nails and Painted smile holds a tray filled With today’s fate: a slew of pale things Grey peas, stiff meat, and something they Call potatoes Ladled with orange petroleum And she says, enjoy And I thank her As such a courteous fool does Ted Bundy got steak And eggs before he died Could I have not made the same Request? When the mind turns to mush That’s all They care to feed you I proceed with futile attempts To stab at the peas of Government sympathy With something that is neither A spoon, nor a fork Enjoy, indeed. But here I sit, propped up by Starchy pillows not meant for rest The flowers on the table have turned Pungent, and the pictures of smiling People I no longer recognize Have abandoned me just as my mind Has them And I’m sure …

From a Dream

Why am I alone? Sitting empty clutching Golden promises The smoke rises yet Higher from the fireplace Taunting shadows Of this man watching Over your maiden body Buried under oaks Where did you go to? The bloodhounds have lost your scent Was it not enough? Riddling me still Sitting empty clutching Why am I alone?