All posts tagged: age

January 24th, 2016

My sister & I were born in winter in the dead month that rings in the new year. 25 today Is it true? did I let the youth slip between my fingers like water through porous stone? I can’t count the memories like I can years, can’t justify all the misplaced months stammering in and out of idleness. I could go back, content in following one clear path. Again, as a second calling. But that isn’t life. That wasn’t the hand I was dealt, or even the game that I gambled myself into. We have only one chance, ultimately, and though the faces that weave into that web are kind ones… I’m still left with the “what ifs…” They glow like the inside of a curtained window, offering  the possibility of warmth, but never enough to truly feel. I’m 25 today When did I spring up out of adolescence? When did that line form between my eyebrows, When did those dreams become displaced pangs of quiet nothingness Too cold to flicker into realities, too poignet …

Life, Death, & Hospital Dinners

There’s that smell                                  That pale green laughter That chokes your throat Translucent yellow walls Glowing under florescent lights That will cut you out of Tourniquets and into heaven. The woman with the chipped nails and Painted smile holds a tray filled With today’s fate: a slew of pale things Grey peas, stiff meat, and something they Call potatoes Ladled with orange petroleum And she says, enjoy And I thank her As such a courteous fool does Ted Bundy got steak And eggs before he died Could I have not made the same Request? When the mind turns to mush That’s all They care to feed you I proceed with futile attempts To stab at the peas of Government sympathy With something that is neither A spoon, nor a fork Enjoy, indeed. But here I sit, propped up by Starchy pillows not meant for rest The flowers on the table have turned Pungent, and the pictures of smiling People I no longer recognize Have abandoned me just as my mind Has them And I’m sure …

Summer Thus Far…

Talked to a friend on the phone, told her I’d forgotten how to write. It’s true. Maybe it’s just that I have nothing to say really. Who is it I’m speaking to now, exactly? I’ve been told too often that I’m overly vague. But my life isn’t exactly something that can entertain pages upon pages, or even a handful of people really. To be honest, it’s just scraps, feathered pieces of paper torn on each end. Sometimes I wonder why I even write things here…. And then I remember: because it feels good to write things down. Put words down on a page that only really half-exists. Anyway, back to the content of my life, I’m ambiguous and indistinct. Maybe that’s why I’ve taken to poems. The right people to seem to understand them (or at least in my mind they do.) It’s like a type of codex; poems unite likewise minds flowing down the current of the universe. But in attempt to be a little less vague, let me share a little piece of …

Nothing More to Want

I sit & watch the dawn creep Through under the door The tin roof flapping like a starved lark Breathing air into a set of broken lungs My hands stay warm around my glass And I take notice: I am whole There’ s nothing more to want, & if that’s so, there’s nothing left. I’ve escaped to towns that No one comes from Babies born on the road to Unburdened mothers It’s a half-handed happiness To have nothing more to want Laying on the floor of an empty Room recalling a season spent In a sleepy town, the cold Lingers on your lashes The skies taste of ponderosa pine Press your fingers between the bark & smell the vanilla Snow catches in your ankles As you stumble home Dizzied by jewels in the sky Maybe I will find myself stumbling back there one day… The thought fades & the tin roof Slams again The warm summer Sits still like a promise Yet whispered Beetles fall from the Cracks in the ceiling Dogs bark as the  …

I Will

I will live within my means. I will own only what my shoulders can carry. I will choose the positive. I will learn to love the scars, and not be afraid when new ones surface. I will bite my tongue and unclench my fists. I will eat mindfully. I will breath deeply. I will see more clearly. I will listen thoughtfully. I will be kind. I will spend my time wisely. I will lift others up before myself. I will cut off the loose ends and run wildly. I will laugh honestly. I will live simply. I will love sweetly & will open arms. I will find the beauty in my unmade face and weathered palms. I will revel in the little things. I will thrive. So much of my life is spent in in empty insecurity, but opening my eyes and looking into new light. I am trying to appreciate the person I’ve become, instead of wrecking my mind on the person I could have been. I am embracing age, and not hiding from it …