Month: August 2015

A Vague Transgression

Our last night The split in the blinds cast slitted shadows on your skin The moon leaks a pale blue into the Filtered air and kicks up into our lungs  Cat in the sink sleeps away this August heat It’s four a.m  Phone sounds the waking bell You kick the sheets that tie around your knees and go to brush your teeth I pinch the creases of my eyes to keep from crying  Tears seep inevitably between my fingers  Walk downstairs  Wait for the coffee to steep  ….wait a little longer than it usually takes, Trying to grasp the precious moments you’re  Still with me, wishing maybe You’d stay for breakfast Or an extra day, or week But you don’t falter on those plans you made We walk in somber silence into the humid morning, Dragging our feet across the pavement to your car Grab the handle, kiss and wave goodbye Your lights fade across the blacktop lot I march back with folded arms into our empty flat Crawl up the stairs, flick off the lights …

The Reasons Why I’m Leaving

Because I tried to wear another’s ring But it burned me Because I show her your picture everyday Because we picked out funeral plots And joked like the jokeWasn’t ours Because the smile on my face is feigned Because Annie’s too young to understand That she has your eyes Because the closet smells like tobacco and patchouli When I open the doors Because I hear you in my head laughing when I think of something funny Because I always seem to forget where I’m driving to Because she folds clothes onto Her paper dolls and walks them into the fire Because sadness is selfish And new shoes are expensive Because I spend my days in listless Envy for the end that came to you, but not to me. Because I’m nothing but a half-human, half-venlafaxine Drone standing on legs I had forgotten I had Keeping your grave decorated because It feels like home Because my fidelity wasn’t forced And now I can’t be free Because I spent 25 years Killing time, And now it’s killing …

The Paradigm

Four walls Empty room Bread, meat in the icebox Snow outside,  tempting me to play  with its imperfect remedy. Let the cold in &  those four walls collapse  in heavy folly Making the lonely go away, Making the nothing Go away. Four walls,            Fire burning Cinnamon Warmth of the hearth Bread, meat, laughter Echoes That snow still slipping her china doll limbs under the door Reaching relentlessly Clutching empty air as I catch my breath Begging for my embrace And how pretty and pure and light, I long in a secret still-life reality Ever-wishing to be cold again, But sheltered I am by Four walls Full belly Sweeping, Sweating, cutting my fingers on the machine Stay strong Closing the curtains so I can’t see the snow I watch the thread drop a nd roll To the door, Four walls Between us You look at the woman who shares now your name, That frail, white-bodied figure That stranger That sinner, bumping shoulders with the devil in the corner Things s l o w The smell …

Summer & a Few Simple Words…

The nights are growing longer and the days hotter. The summer has taken it’s hold of the landscape, the sunflowers and tall grasses are beginning to dry out and collapse into the brittle earth. It was an amazingly wet season for Texas, but now those green valleys are fading into brown, baby birds are growing out of their cottony plumage, and lining up ready for flight, leaving behind empty nests. The cicada’s song is becoming forlorn and dier. My skin is red and damp from the sunlight, even for the shortest jaunts. But that’s alright. It doesn’t bother me a bit. I think I have a soul made for summer. The summer melts away whatever was left of a winter depression, leaving me mended and restful. For the first time in a long time I’m in a place where I’m actively learning, taking everything anew, not just waiting for the days to end in somber reflection. That’s not to say I’m not feeling anxious. Sometimes I feel a thousand years old, sometimes it’s as though I can …